..I still had time to bail. I could have just sent off a text and put all this stress behind me. Instead I chose to go for it, to take life head on again. New chances are good. Sitting home is not good.


 I got my roommate to take a few pics since I was all dolled up. I sent one off to Jd and was on my way. If I didn't survive the trip, at least people would think I went out on a good note. Of course I left late. I will be late for my own funeral. I really will. I am asking that to be my last request, that they wheel me in late, it will be expected by those who really know me. I hit some rain, thank goodness I brought my umbrella. I hated driving in the rain.
I got to drive in both the dark and the rain, double whammy. Traffic in North Jersey during rush hour, made it a triple threat! My stress levels were rising. I was already twenty minutes late. I was supposed to be there by seven. He was texting me, but I could not look, driving under such duress , I wished he'd call. I'd muster up the courage to talk while driving, but not text. I was approaching tolls.
Of course my next check wouldn't come in for a few days, so I was very low on funds. I had a twenty in case I had to buy my own drinks. I had another ten for tolls, a couple of singles and the rest of my money went to thirty dollars in gas. At least I had the night covered. How did I end up broke? I have two degrees for God's sake. Stupid recession.
I thought I had it covered, until I hit twenty in turnpike tolls, then came to a bridge that cost fifteen to pass. I scrambled to find the final three dollars in change and gave it to the patient toll taker. Wow, GPS had brought me the worst way possible. The most expensive, long, congested way possible. Now I was broke. That's just wonderful. He'd better be a gentleman or I was going to be stuck in NYC, I sure didn't have enough to get home with these tolls.
Was this an omen? Should I have not come? I have learned to listen to the signs from the Universe. These signs were not working out well. “Please let us get along. Please let me have a safe place to stay for the night, because I need a drink.” I prayed.My knuckles were white and my hands numb from squeezing the steering wheel and I wanted to pull over and cry the second time I missed a turn.
My GPS was in slow, jam-up mode and not giving me enough lead time to follow it. Then it was just spinning forever to recalculate. More clouds were building up and it was fully night time now. I was lost in NY.


JD: How are you making out
Me: I need that address
JD: Where are you
Me: Near gw bridge
JD: xxx xxxxxxxx ave
JD: Mt vernon
Me: Yay see us soon :)
Me: U
“I can't let this get the best of me. I can't let it spiral. I have to let it go.”. I concentrated on the positive as hard as I could, despite my situation. Good tunes, and hope were saving me. I made it. No parking. I drove for another twenty minutes, getting trapped in one way messes, and private dead end streets. Not a parking spot was to be found near that club.
I pulled over just about in tears for the third time, to realize I was not late. He wasn't there yet either. He also wasn't answering my texts. Wouldn't it be a piss if I was stood up? At that moment the whole scene became comical and I laughed.
I drove back to the vicinity of the club. In the time I was driving around a bunch of people must have left work, because I found a metered spot within two blocks of the place. I pulled in and tried to calm down. It was pouring by now. I really wanted to go right in and get a drink, but I had no money. Not even for the meter. I scrounged my car for change. I found enough. He still wasn't there, but he had texted me back.